{"id":2290,"date":"2011-09-19T05:55:46","date_gmt":"2011-09-19T12:55:46","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/2helenahandbaskets.com\/?p=2290"},"modified":"2011-09-19T05:55:46","modified_gmt":"2011-09-19T12:55:46","slug":"pirates-of-the-treasure-state","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/2helenahandbaskets.com\/?p=2290","title":{"rendered":"Pirates of the Treasure State"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>Ahoy, me Hearties! Today is “Talk Like A Pirate Day”<\/strong> – a silly, twenty-first century celebration of the romanticized and fictionalized versions of the sea-going rogues, scallywags, and rapscallions of centuries past, some of whom may actually have existed. <\/p>\n

Captain Jack Sparrow, Blackbeard, Cap’n Crunch, and others of their ilk are being joined by a couple of marauding landlubbers: Gubernatorial candidate Neil Livingstone, along with his faithful parrot<\/del> First Mate, Ryan Zinke. They’ve set sail from the land-locked shores of coastal Montana in their eighteen-wheeled Man o’ War proclaiming their intent to “hoist the Jolly Roger” over the state capitol upon election. Batten the hatches and shiver me timbers!<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>No one seems to understand what Livingstone means by this bluster and bravado, but it makes about as much sense as some of his other campaign promises – like eliminating the office of the Secretary of State (a Constitutionally created office that the governor has no authority to eliminate!) and sitting down with every single state employee to determine whether they and\/or their jobs are necessary. Blimey, it would take him at least four years to meet with all 12,000+ state workers! Okay, so that last might not be a bad idea if he does get elected somehow. Keeping this blowhole far away from the East Wing would at least minimize the damage he could cause to the state. Livingstone’s ideas for governance seem to be right up there with raping and pillaging and as much fun as walking the plank. Aaarrrgh, matey!<\/p>\n

Well, heave ho and blow the man down! I’ve never been one to let someone starve to death after they stick a foot in their mouth, so – in honor of Talk Like A Pirate Day – my ode to Montana’s own Pirates of the Treasure State, “Cap’n Living Stone” and his First Mate “Sinky”<\/p>\n

They\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re pirates who don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know anything
\nAbout running a campaign.
\nIf you ask them what they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re doing
\nThey respond like they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re insane.<\/p>\n

They couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t post a schedule
\nOf where their ship [BUS] will be
\n\u00e2\u20ac\u02dcCause they take all their directions
\nFrom consultants in D.C.<\/p>\n

They plan to start a revolution
\nAnd hoist the pirate flag.
\nThey haven\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t read our constitution
\nIt\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s too much of a drag.<\/p>\n

They\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve got egos up the ying-yang
\nAnd their balls are made of brass;
\nThey\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re out to screw Montana
\nThey\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve got money – but no class.<\/p>\n

You want Neil\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s resume for governor?
\nHe knows how a pirate talks;
\nHe\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s learned to play with Seals;
\nAnd he’s a talking head on Fox.<\/p>\n

He doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t need to have the facts
\nOr know the laws within the state
\nHe can make things up and bluff away
\nJust like Barack Hussein the Great.<\/p>\n

He can rape and pillage government,
\nTerrorizing working guys
\nThreatening their lives and treasure
\nWith nonsense and other lies.<\/p>\n

He doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t live in Helena;
\nHe left here in his youth,
\nBut he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s spent some time in Washington
\nWhere they can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t tell the truth! <\/p>\n

He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s the next buccaneer for governor
\nSchweitzer will pale in shame
\nLivingstone\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s got \u00e2\u20ac\u0153bull\u00e2\u20ac\u009d and swagger
\nBut no substance for this game.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Ahoy, me Hearties! Today is “Talk Like A Pirate Day” – a silly, twenty-first century celebration of the romanticized and fictionalized versions of the sea-going rogues, scallywags, and rapscallions of centuries past, some of whom may actually have existed. Captain … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p2Xq4i-AW","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/2helenahandbaskets.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2290"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/2helenahandbaskets.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/2helenahandbaskets.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/2helenahandbaskets.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/2helenahandbaskets.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2290"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"http:\/\/2helenahandbaskets.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2290\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2301,"href":"http:\/\/2helenahandbaskets.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2290\/revisions\/2301"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/2helenahandbaskets.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2290"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/2helenahandbaskets.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2290"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/2helenahandbaskets.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2290"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}