Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science.

The new element,
Governmentium (GV),
has one neutron,
25 assistant neutrons,
88 deputy neutrons,
and 198 assistant deputy neutrons,
giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by strange glueon forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. It has also been noted that the bosons have been replaced by grossons, the photons by pootons, the muons by maons, and the neutrinos by purinos. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2 – 6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each re-organization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

H/T to fellow HillBuzzard, NeeNee

From the American Thinker comes an amazingly on-target analysis of why the Obamas’ appearances at the IOC meeting last Friday were such abysmal failures:

Of course Barack and Michelle Obama failed in Copenhagen. Their strategy could not possibly succeed. In their academic arrogance, they thought they could sell a product they clearly do not believe in (the United States) and moreover, they could do so by stressing the benefits to the seller (Chicago) and not the buyer (the IOC). And to top it off, they committed the faux pas of talking too much about the sales force (themselves) and not about the product or the buyer.

Gee, what could possibly go wrong?

Anyone who has had to succeed in the real business world — and that includes few if any on Team Obama — instinctively knows that to get business done you have to believe in what you are doing and offer a product or service that is focused on the benefits to the customer. In the Obama World of Chicago pay-to-play power, business gets done by flexing muscle and clearing the field of your competitors. You don’t have to sell anything. You don’t have to believe in anything. It is fine to be self-focused. You simply have to apply the power of the applicable political machinery and you win…

The Obamas’ sales pitch was awful by any definition. Of course. How can our President, who has made his political fortune at the expense of the reputation of the country, sell our country to the IOC with a straight face?

The answer is he could not. And although it would have been an out of body experience, I still thought he would at least attempt to sell America and some notion of our logistical competence and love of sports and so on. I didn’t think he would believe it, but certainly thought the teleprompter would sneak in something good about the country for him to read.

Nope.

He and the First Lady did not even pretend to be proud of us. They went on an unseemly, surreal begging campaign that mixed in uncomfortable bits and pieces of their personal histories with platitudes about what the Olympic Games could do for the children of Chicago. Oh, BTW, the Obama family would personally find it kind of a cool thing for the neighborhood…

The bottom line is this: this was an Obama epic fail. Period. They were the sales force, they were the focus of the sales presentation and they were the product. The Obamas were there to sell the Obamas with the Obamas. All Obama all the time.

And the world said, “No thanks.”

Now if the American Lame Stream Media just wasn’t such a sucker for a snake-oil salesman and his solipsistic wife the rest of us wouldn’t have to try to figure out what to do with all the crap these two are peddling.

I do not have a degree in journalism. (I know you’re shocked to learn this, but just go with it.)

As a blogger, one of the challenges I face constantly – in addition to dyslexic fingers and trying to think of interesting things to write about – is coming up with a catchy headline. You know, something that will attract readers. Something that gives a hint of the scintillating text to follow, yet doesn’t promise more than the prose delivers. Trust me that’s a tall order. I’ve had a couple of good ones over the years: Dead Horse Won’t Die seems like a kind of tantalizing lead. I mean – you can’t tell exactly where the piece might take you. It could be a story about a miraculous equine resurrection – right? Well, it could be! And then, Obama’s Elf has a bit of flare, if I do say so myself. At least you have to keep reading to find out what the heck the post is about. For a rank amateur, I’d give some of my efforts a decent grade.

Today, however, the world was treated to the work of a master. The Mona Lisa of headlines. The piece de resistance, the epitome, the pinnacle. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you DRUDGE:

“THE EGO HAS LANDED”

It simply doesn’t get any better than that.

Except for the story that went with it:

This is the IOC’s show, it wasn’t the Obama’s show, they went over there and tried to hi-jack the whole thing and the IOC bitch slapped ’em, it’s no more complicated than that – Rush Limbaugh

Who says that God doesn’t enjoy a little irony from time to time?

UP – SARAH PALIN

Since stepping out of the direct line of fire as a political target, Sarah Palin’s star has continued to rise – and shine brilliantly – despite the best efforts of the left-wing nuts. This week, her publisher announced that her autobiography would be out in November with an advance printing of 1.5 million copies. Within 24 hours pre-orders for the book set records.

– Sarah Palin’s upcoming memoir is already the top bestselling book on the shopping sites of Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, a month and a half before the book goes on sale.

The memoir from last year’s Republican vice-presidential candidate, titled “Going Rogue: An American Life,” is scheduled for release on November 17, four months after the book deal was announced and much earlier than planned.

The memoir, which became available for pre-order this week, has been in Amazon.com’s top 100 for three days, and just replaced the latest novel from “Da Vinci Code” author Dan Brown at the top of the list.

DOWN – DAVID LETTERMAN

On the other end of the spectrum, CBS late night wanna-be funny man David Letterman, who thinks raping a 14 year-old is hysterical, was forced to confess to his own sordid behavior during the taping of his show last night. Apparently this jerk has been banging several of his female staffers. I would ask, “What the hell was he thinking?”, but, obviously, his two brain cells are contained in the sacs behind his johnson. Hopefully, the women involved will brush up on the New York sexual harassment laws and lighten the wallet in his Worldwide Pants.

As long as we’re watching the teeter-totters: The new jobs report is out. Jobs down 263,000; unemployment up to 9.8%.

So – how’s that hopey-changitude stimulus working for you now, kids?