Guest Post by Loki

Mattel has updated their Barbie collection with a new Tattoo Barbie. The doll sports a tattoo and is the newest role model for our children.

Suspecting that they had other new version of Barbie to be released to serve as role models for children I snuck into their secret R&D facility to see if I could find out what versions would be released. After dumpster diving in the front parking lot for an hour or so and collecting blue prints and design documents I was able to reconstruct some of the dolls. What follows is the results of my surreptitious search.

Pothead Barbie
Comes complete with exact copy of her mother’s basement where Barbie has her cramped dark dingy apartment. Comes with accessories including; bong, air mattress on floor, small B&W used TV, bean bag chair and unemployment check. Rumpled hair is standard. Other accessories can be purchased including, empty chip bags, fast food restaurant uniform, diploma from small town college on ‘History of TV’ with minor on ‘Jersey Shore’.

Meth Head Barbie
Comes with glass pipe, short vinyl dress with low cut blouse and stiletto heals. Missing teeth and sores on the face are standard in the accessory makeup kit. This is the thinnest of all Barbies.

OWS Barbie
This is the latest in the Barbie foray into the political world. She comes with a flea infested sleeping bag and a protest sign with Che Guevara’s picture. Accessories sold separately include large garbage can with homemade drum sticks and a body odor spray that smells just like the unwashed at a real OWS rally. Other accessories include positive STD results and prescription drug bottles for treatment. Surprisingly the OWS Barbie bears a strong resemblance to the Pothead Barbie.

Divorcee Barbie
This is the Barbie that Mattel is hoping will be the biggest seller at Christmas. It is also the most expensive of the Barbie line. It comes standard with a divorce degree, support check, Ken’s BMW, Ken’s house, Ken’s speedboat and Ken’s motor home. Accessories include pool boy and Ken’s private plane.

Mattel hopes these new dolls will inspire girls everywhere to emulate the newest Barbies.