UPDATE: That’s Senator McAwesome to You!!! (My HillBuzz friends will understand the reference.) WAHOO!!!

There’s an old adage that says something to the effect that everyone has a purpose in life, even if it’s only to serve as a bad example.

In that spirit, I have put together a compilation of campaign tactics from the Martha Coakley senate race that ought to be useful now that the 2010 Election Season has officially begun.

1. After winning a contested primary, treat yourself to a lovely 6-day vacation – less than three weeks before the general election. Not only do you need the rest, but it gives your opponent a chance to have unfettered access to the media.
2. Attempt to paint your campaign finances in the most positive light possible by releasing a number that has no basis in fact: “The $5.2 million number being hyped by Coakley has nothing to do with anything; it’s like the homeowner who brags how much her home used to be worth.”
3. Avoid any and all opportunities to meet voters; minimize campaign appearances and only hang out in Washington DC with power brokers, political elites, and drug lobbyists. Your potential constituents will be impressed that you know all those mucky-mucks.
4. When leaving a DC fundraiser, have a member of your staff assault a reporter and make sure that there are clear pictures of you looking at the victim on the ground with your hands in your pockets. Then go on the record claiming that you didn’t see anything.
5. When debating your opponent and the question turns to your foreign policy experience, be sure to remind the audience that your sister “lives overseas”. It’s also wise to be quoted as an authority on the absence of terrorists in Afghanistan on a day when they killed three Americans there.
6. Always see that the name of your state in your campaign literature is misspelled. You don’t want voters to think you are smarter than they are or that details are important.
7. During a radio interview on the most important issues of the campaign, make stupid assertions guaranteed to insult a large segment of the population by stating that the basic Constitutional freedom of religion does not extend to the workplace if you are Catholic healthcare professional.
8. After dissing the local sports fans by insinuating that they aren’t worthy of your time (see #3 above), add insult to injury by claiming one of the local sports icons is a fan of the team’s rivals. Red Sox fans will chuckle to hear that Curt Schilling is a big Yankee booster.
9. Imply that because your husband is a retired police officer that you have the endorsement of the local union, so that the organization gets above-the-fold headlines when they come out with the announcement that they have formally endorsed your opponent.
10. Use pre-9/11 pictures of the World Trade Center in a campaign ad trying to tie your opponent to Wall Street greed. Hardly anyone will be distracted from the message by the visuals.

BONUS TRACKS

As the campaign comes down to the final weekend, be sure to transmit your sense of panic by insisting that the widow and niece of your presumed predecessor come out of mourning and make campaign speeches on your behalf to remind the electorate that you are entitled to the seat.

Finally, don’t worry about your resume. No one will care that you have a controversial history; particularly that you did everything you possibly could to avoid prosecuting a political ally for sexually molesting his 2 year-old niece with a hot curling iron. Things like that never come back to bite you on the ass.

And always remember, in the end, you can always count on your loyal supporters to be there for you – no matter what.

Alert. The. Media.

President Obama has neutralized the latest threat to his precious healthcare bill. Following hours of intense negotiations with labor union officials, Obama strategically gave in to every demand the union leaders wanted. Ben Nelson could hardly have done better.

The latest concession was given to the unions because they were threatening to pull their support from this really, really popular bill. It seems that the 40% tax on cadillac health plans would have hit their members right square in the wallets. Union leaders are usually pretty diligent about protecting their members’ paychecks – otherwise they might not have enough money to pay their union dues. So the arm wrestling began, and in classic Mob fashion – a concept that is apparently clearly understood by Illinois politicians – they made Obama an offer he couldn’t refuse. So he didn’t.

Unfortunately, there seem to be a couple of minor little issues hanging out there that could prove a touch – uhhh – “challenging” when the WH tries to sell the deal to Congress.

First, there’s been some speculation that the deal may be a little bit unconstitutional, but Obama and his Chicago buddies have never let that kind of thing stand in their way before, so why should they begin now? No problem. One down. What’s the other issue?

The other issue is somewhat trickier. It seems that the whole house of cards could tumble in a New York minute if the money angle doesn’t work. And there have been more financial contortions already in this process than a guy can keep up with. I don’t know how Obama will come up with the revenue to pay for this latest bribe, ahem, compromise – but that’s his problem. The original plan was expected to raise approximately $150 million, the deal negotiated with the unions cuts that revenue by $60 billion.

But what would happen if the insurance companies and larger employers, who are actually self-insured, restructure their “pricing” so that the plans covering union members have higher prices – and thus are not subject to the 40% tax, courtesy of this brilliant Obama deal – and plans for non-union members are priced lower – and thus are below the “cadillac” threshold?

Win-win-win for unions, employers, and millions of non-union employees. As far as escaping an unfair tax, anyway.

If you expand the exempt plans through some kind of repricing, that $60 billion could shrink faster than a cashmere sweater run through the washer and dryer. Which means Congress will have to find a way to restore that money through another tax. There’s already talk this morning that the Democrats in Congress are meeting today at their winter retreat about raising the Medicare tax. Remember those promises about “budget neutral”?

Call me silly, but I think the Democrats may be running out of suckers for this circus.

OMG!!! With friends like these, who needs enemies? From the Independent Record online this afternoon…

Newt Gingrich enlists Schweitzer’s help
By MATT GOURAS – Associated Press Writer | Posted: Thursday, January 14,2010
HELENA, Mont. (AP) – Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich says he likes what he sees in Gov. Brian Schweitzer’s handling of state finances.
The conservative Republican called Schweitzer Thursday morning and invited him to help with the American Solutions for Winning the Future project.
Schweitzer, a Democrat, told Gingrich he would be happy to participate.
The governor says Montana is doing better than other states because it set some money aside during good times and was prudent with its budget.
Gingrich says his project is trying to find the best governing ideas for creating jobs, fostering energy independence, protecting workers’ rights and reforming education.

WHAT THE HELL IS NEWT THINKING???? Sheesh!

If Brian gets his ticket punched to DC in 2012 we know who we can thank for the help.

A stroll through some of the conservative blogosphere last night was like being in New Orleans’ French Quarter on Fat Tuesday – or, more appropriately, Boston of the 4th of July. Whooping and hollering was the tenor of the commentary on Ace, Redstate, HillBuzz, and several other sites as the results literally poured in for the “Money Bomb” for Massachusetts Republican Scott Brown who is vying for the seat vacated by the death of Teddy Kennedy.

Anyone who has had the slightest interest in politics during the past 50 years is well aware of the Kennedy dynasty, and most Americans accept that Massachusetts – home of the original Tea Party and the heart of the American Revolution – is a solidly liberal bastion. The only thing keeping it from being a bonafide “left-wing” state is the fact that it is geographically on the right coast of the country. The special election to choose the successor to Edward M Kennedy (D), by all rights, should be a snoozer. Martha Coakley, the current Attorney General, should have been measuring the drapes for her senate office. But a funny thing happened on the way to the voting booth…

Enter former Cosmo centerfold, attorney (Boston College Law School), Lt. Col. (JAG) of the Massachusetts National Guard, and current state senator, who also happens to be the father of two gorgeous daughters – one of whom is an American Idol finalist. So the mere possibility that a republican could be successfully challenging the designated democrat candidate captured the imaginations of thousands of political activists from every state in the nation.

The momentum has been building since Christmas, with the events of yesterday reaching a crescendo heard around the country. The original $500,000 goal was reached and surpassed by early afternoon, and then $750,000 was quickly in the rear-view mirror. Before the end of the evening the thrill of bringing in a cool $1.3 million was shared by contributors from all over the country. And the star of the show was the right there in the spotlight for the real highlight of the whole day:

“It’s not Kennedy’s seat, …it’s the people’s seat!” Every campaign wants THE quotable line from a debate. Brown hit the jackpot with that one.

The experts are befuddled. Poll results are all over the place: Brown is down by 9 points; no, up by 1; down within the margin of error; up within the margin of error. Since it’s a special election – and held in the middle of winter (global warming, notwithstanding) – turnout is the key. Conventional wisdom says that the conservatives are more likely to turn out. Normally the Democrats can count on unions to help with the get out the vote efforts, but this time the rank and file are a little less than enthused – that 40% tax on cadillac health plans isn’t real popular in some households. And the police union actually endorsed Brown. Guess they still have a bit of a beef with the President’s assessment of the Cambridge officer’s handling of the Gates incident (“He acted stupidly”). There are some insults that don’t wash away with a mug of beer.

So basically – all bets are off. This is a race of the best kind. The odds-on favorite stumbled getting out of the gate (she was on vacation over the holidays and didn’t think she had to campaign after the primary) and is now discovering the competition is in it to win it.

The rumble you hear in the background is growing louder and stronger. Next Tuesday just might be the 7.0 earthquake the liberals never imagined – Teddy rolling over in his grave!

No wonder politics is one of the greatest spectator sports around.

As a bonus – listen to Scott’s daughter sing our National Anthem:

Be sure to stay tuned for the final score.

Attention Montana state employees:

If you think you are overpaid and your benefits are too high, ignore this message. On the other hand, if you feel your total compensation is perhaps a bit below market, but your healthcare benefits balances the equation – this one’s for you.

The current debate in Washington DC on the healthcare bills is now taking direct aim at you! President Obama has signaled he would prefer a tax on so-called “cadillac” health plans, rather than an increase on income taxes for “the rich”.

What this means to many Montanans, including all state workers, most local government employees, as well as every teacher in every school district, is that you will be hit with a 40% tax on your insurance plans.

As envisioned in the Senate bill, an excise tax of 40 percent would be imposed on the value of individual health plans over $8,500 annually and family coverage over $23,000. What’s less commonly known is that those dollar maximums include not just the premiums paid by employers and employees for medical insurance, but also for vision and dental coverage, as well as reimbursements from flexible spending accounts and health reimbursement arrangements, and employer contributions to health savings accounts.

If an individual were to withdraw $2,000 from a flexible spending account to help pay for medical care, for example, that amount would count toward the $8,500 ceiling.

Of course, the tax isn’t supposed to take effect until 2013. But take a look at your year-end pay stub and then figure that amount will increase by several percentage points between now and 2013 and then do a little simple math and see if you aren’t going to hit the magic threshold before the kick-in date.

The politicians are saying that the employers will pick-up the tab on this one, but just in case you’ve become a little jaded about politicians keeping their promises, and just in case you don’t have the extra $700 per month that this little tax could cost you, you might want to contact your senators and suggest that this isn’t the kind of healthcare reform you had in mind.

Just saying…

Q. Why don’t they have ice cubes in North Dakota anymore?
A. Because the little old lady with the recipe died.

Q. What’s the best thing to come out of North Dakota in the past 50 years?
A. Interstate 94

Q. What’s the best news to come out of North Dakota in 2010?
A. Senator Byron Dorgan announced he won’t be running for re-election in November.

******JUST BREAKING******

Q. What’s even better news than that?
A. Senator Chris Dodd is following suit.

Bada bing.

Is this a case of the rats deserting the sinking ship?

I report. You decide.

When the mob is gathering and you think they might be trying to run you out of town, what do you do?

Easy!

You grab a baton, a trombone, or a drum and claim it’s a parade.

While most of us were busy with our daily lives, keeping body and soul together, our Good Governor apparently was feeling a bit nervous about some things he was seeing below the radar.

No one has ever accused Brian Schweitzer of being politically tone-deaf, and his recent remarks and actions indicate he’s still got perfect pitch. Make no mistake, Brian isn’t done with politics. And he’s taking measures right now to ensure his future electability.

Our two current senators may be largely ignoring the Tea Partiers and the Town-hollerers, but the governor seems to be very aware of them, so he’s out there telling Montanans how he is stewarding their money responsibly and pro-actively. By God, he’s cut budgets, eliminated extraneous government jobs, and reminded us how he’s tightening the state’s belt just like we are doing in our own homes. What a guy!

Sure he tends to gloss over a few picky details, but what the hell.

Just for the fun of it, let’s take a closer look at the record…

Everybody knows that labor costs are always a big item in any budget, so Schweitzer eliminated four jobs at the Department of Commerce. Wow! The rest of the story? Montana topped the list of states with the highest percentage growth in state government employment (up 16.6%) during the first three years of the Schweitzer administration. So up 3244, down 4. NET INCREASE IN STATE PAYROLL = about $150 million per year.

Surely you’ve heard how he canceled $600,000 earmarked to help a Flathead County company with environmental cleanup? In announcing his decision to refuse to follow the legislature’s appropriation to mitigate the cost of cleaning up toxic waste caused by previous owners and users, Schweitzer took a political swing at a Montana business and attempted to make it look like he was saving big bucks from the general fund in the process. The facts? The money is from the “Orphan Fund” which is supported by an industrial tax specifically to be used for environmental cleanups. No savings here for “us folks” and this grand gesture is likely to have negative repercussions on the state – if not in environmental impacts – at least in unexpected legal expenses which will come from the general fund when the state gets sued either by the EPA or Swank Enterprises, or both. Net effect: Who knows? Dirty Politics – 1, Dirty Environment – 1, but the game’s not over yet.

The governor issued an edict to all state agencies to cut out-of-state travel budgets and utilize webinars, online meetings, and other means of interaction. The expected savings? Less than .0002% of the biennial budget. Oh, and by the way – the Governor not only gets to continue his out-of-state travels, he gets to fly first-class. Savings to ordinary Montanans – nipshit minutia; perks to the governor – priceless.

But, you may ask, what about the $4.5 million Schweitzer saved by halting renovations at Warm Springs? From all indications, going ahead with the project would be a case of throwing good money after bad, since the facility is beyond help. However, it’s doubtful that much, if anything, will be done by the executive branch to address the increasingly desperate problems caused by the lack of proper treatment programs and facilities for our mentally ill citizens. The trade-off: Short-term gain for long-term pain.

Under the category of “nothing is too small to escape the slasher”, we have the much touted elimination of the hard copy state phone directory. No big deal insofar as savings or impact. I suspect more has been spent in employee time issuing press releases celebrating this phenomenal endeavor than will ultimately be saved. Bottom line: Meh.

Last, but not least, is the latest effort by Brian to appear the fiscal conservative (and take a swipe at the Republicans at the same time): The Bozeman tennis court brouhaha. Reports of the city’s decision to spend less than 8% of its designated federal stimulus funds on upgrading a local recreational facility hit the national news, and Brian – never one to let the facts get between him and some publicity – immediately derided the project. He went on to claim the reason it happened was because the legislature didn’t enact specific lists of what the stimulus money could be spent on. Trusting that few Montanans, and even fewer reporters, would spend the time to check out his assertions, the governor felt confident in claiming the political high ground and pointing the fickle finger of prolifigate funding at the legislature – all the while ignoring the fact that he vetoed SB460 which could have prevented any unseemly spending of the stimulus funds. Impact: Virtually none – the tennis courts will probably be upgraded as a legitimate “shovel-ready” community improvement. Sound-bite governance at its very best worst.

So why, you ask, is Schweitzer so concerned with with his political image these days? I’m speculating here, but methinks the governor has a pretty good idea that 2010 election isn’t going to be a great one for the Democrats and he’s banking some capital for 2012, just in case. I could be wrong here, but my money says Brian will be the Dem candidate for Denny Rehberg’s seat if Denny challenges Jon Tester, so he can’t very well afford to sit back and just be a lame-duck governor. Or, in the best of all possible worlds, Max will resign before then and Brian can appoint himself to the Senate with a high enough approval rating that the chutzpah won’t hurt him.

The only way he can carry either of those scenarios off is if he’s marching way out in front and beating that drum so loud no one can hear the cacophony that’s coming from the rabble in the background.

I’ve been working on a post about the recent actions/comments emanating from the East Wing of Montana’s Capitol, but it’s not quite coming together yet.

So while I was clearing my head, I happened upon one of favorite sites, Iowahawk. His latest post is an “interview” with the would-be Christmas bomber.

Lemme ask you: have you ever tried to inject a glycerin detonator syringe into some plastic explosives glued under your nutsack, while you were stoned out of your gourd, in an airplane bathroom, during Lake Erie turbulence, while some stupid hippie is pounding on the door? Take my word for this, it. is. a. mofo. I must have stabbed myself in the junk eight or ten times before I finally got it smoldering. So I stroll out of the loo, real casual-like, with my nuts on fire, and headed back to my seat to blow out the fuselage.

But then, get this: some friggin’ Dutch dude jumps out of his seat and tackles me right in the aisle, completely ignoring the “fasten seatbelts” sign! Typical pushy Eurotrash. And then the flight attendant comes running up, and instead of enforcing the damn rules starts blasting me with the fire extinguisher, which means my nards go from flame broiled to freeze dried in about 3 seconds flat.

Go check out the whole piece.

It’s going to be tough, but with Big Bri as the subject, there’s always the possibility my next post could be a real knee-slapper.

“For unto you this night a child is born…”

Wishing you all the blessings of this Holy Season – with love and gratitude.

L.

According to Fox News, NFL players have been asked to donate their brains to science.

That seems a bit much to me, but hey – maybe the scientists figure that it wouldn’t be worth the effort to study the brains of U.S. Senators – they have enough practice on rats already.

Can they wait until the season is over or do they have to give them up now? Could they at least start with the Raiders so no intelligent life is harmed?